Chapter I: Act II: Jason

today… I have seen a man fading…. well, not any man… for the first time I see.. a soul… getting tortured more than mine… in a disgusting twisted way… his heart have run away… and now, he’s run out of hope.. life.. and humanity…
well, “God has his ways”… and they’re twisted, and filthy…
“it’s all for a purpose”… a purpose, more twisted and hellish than the ways themselves…

well, right now, this man has a 2-3 years of pain to live… or to die… starting from now… these years will either pass slowly, meaningless, empty, pointless, and naked of all feelings and senses… or they might pass slower, meaningful, full.. of sorrow… pointless, hopeless, and full of broken feelings and desperate senses… and maybe.. well, they may not even pass… as time has just stopped…

and today… I’ve seen a woman fading…. fading through his eyes… far away on the other side… a hundred miles away from him… but still… she’s not…

they were both damned for they were both born… in this everly-twisted play… it’s no more about the choices you make… your choices have never been yours… what’s the need for a freewill if you have nothing to choose from…. and well, no need to mention God… it’s all well known…

God, let them die for good… and let me die with them…
just look at him….
just look at me…
I’m so soft… so ugly… and so useless… yes I am… but I’m more useful than you are….

oh thou ugly Gods… as ye have created shame… so thee be ashamed…
as ye have brought love, as ye have brought pain…. so shalt thee feel both.. combined…
shall you stop your ugly game… and halt your boring play… for you have read my lines.. before they got written….. for once… F.E.E.L..
but as I know… the same as you do… “feel” is just a word…. and “word” is quite nothing… and “nothing” doesn’t even exist… as “existence” have never been… and “being” was never there… as “there” was nothing… as “nothing” was there… and as “nothing” has never existed… just as “existence” itself… the only thing that “exists” is You, Holy God… so shall you celebrate your loneliness…

shall I not feel sorrow…
shall I not feel pain….
shall I not feel at all..
for it’s no more unexpected…
for it’s no more “unknown”…
and now, even “death” can do nothing….
but “nothing” doesn’t even exist…
as “existence” has never been…
and “being” was never there…
all is “there” was You… only You, Poor God… Poor Despicable God…
so shall you celebrate your loneliness… as you’re not even “All” alone… you’re just “alone”..by yourself…
so shall you celebrate… for you’re, just, alone…

02:28 28/07/2005
for Jason, for Serine..for history… as if they have ever existed..

02:32 28/07/2005
for me…the soft, the ugly.. the useless… the less deserving of all.. pathetically sickening..
H.Q.

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~ by H.Q. on 29 June 2007.

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